A man will only marry out of love or necessity. Anything love demands is a necessity. These were my thoughts as I drove through the morning fog into Vicksburg. Love or necessity. My car sputtered & died. The nearest garage was 5 miles away. Swimming out of the fog came a legion of wraith-women--the infamous Vicksburg Spinsters, intent on marrying me! Their cloying attentions refined me in a lapidary way until at last I said, "Yes, but we must all be intermarried." But at their rickety wooden mansion, the garden boy felt sad and abused. "They shall never intermarry," he whispered to the rose bushes. "I will see them all hanged before then. He hid his favorite shovel under his pillow that night and the next morning he found $50. and a note that said "Thanks for the shovel. It's just what I needed. Love, the Tooth Fairy." Plus, one of his few teeth had been yanked out. Undaunted, he took the $50 to the $1 store to buy a pack of white Tic Tac (to use as false teeth) but they only had fruit adventure. Then, the clerk said, “Can’t break a $50, Hon, but if you'll REALLY use these fruit adventure Tic Tacs as dentures, they're yours for nada." Freed of that expense, Tod put on the Tic Tacs & rushed to his tryout as anchorman for the local news station: The Local-motive. Unfortunately, his plan did not work, meaning he wasn't hired and he was shamed forever for applying the tic tacs in the wrong order. "Oh- Dentene, god of fresh breath..." his voice trailed off as the sedatives kicked in. He mused. What if he really was washed up? Already? Maybe he should reconsider prostitution. But he didn't and night fall found him back at his corner again flaunting his candy for the sugar daddies. He caught an occasional bored Socialite but it was mostly their husbands.

 

Comments

1 Futique's photo

The end has me rethinking the Tooth Fairy episode.

2 Futique's photo

So now Tic Tacs are candy to flaunted around like Good N Plentys.

3 Futique's photo

Sugar Daddies are a candy. Hey, what gives here? What is with all the candies?

4 Futique's photo

Oh, yeah, it was the Tooth Fairy that would profit.

5 jaw2ek's photo

Follow the money…

6 Woab's photo

I wonder if the bored socialite was The Gas-Masked Socialite.

7 Futique's photo

Nah, why a dandy with candy The the GMS can snap her finger and countless hobos will be at her beach and call.

8 seinundzeit's photo

“We’re here”

“Where? On my beach?”

“Yeah, even Kelten Stijlisson. Give us a toot Kelten. Nevermind, maybe next time.”

9 seinundzeit's photo

“What do you mean nevermind? Are you leaving my beach? Why are leaving my beach?”

“We were only tasked with coming to your beach and calling. We’re here, we called, we’re done.”

10 Futique's photo

But that isn’t the Gas Masked Socialite you are talking to so hold back on some of that gumption. There is always tomorrow for a hanging but the pot stews best when simmering something spicy.

11 MustafaoulaD's photo

UAUIPSHID

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