Newton was sitting with Darwin by the fire

Newton was sitting with Darwin by the fire one day. A piece of bread had fallen on the hearth. Newton picked it up. "By God, Darwin, I think we've cracked it, we've invented toast!

Darwin?" The biologist was asleep. Newton looked at the toasted bread. He looked back at the time machine. When would Stephen Hawkens return? The scientists had traveled all

over Stockholm at 3 a.m., through dark alleys, looking for an angry fix. Hawking (or Hawkens, when he was dealing) had become unreliable since accepting M-theory as his personal

Way of dealing with the angry universe. Hawking came down with Stockholm Syndrome, and suddenly became even more unreliable. At 3am, he became a cat-man and never lost his fur.

Then called a press conference the next morning to decry how his story had been made out to be about his love for cat culture but that, yes, I concede, hairballs are a loss of fur.

"To be fair, it's only fur." he quipped - secretly proud of a little bit of wordplay. "But there's not a Fee, Line your own pockets." That second pun was a more awkward - time to

exit this uncomfortable conversation. He glanced around the room and spotted the window. "Bye!" he exclaimed, and ran towards the window. He leapt through it, shattering the glass.

For a moment he floated in the air, suspended among the shards of window glass which hung about him like a glinting full-body halo. He wanted to live in that moment forever, but he

, being subject to gravity, fell into the shards of glass with a wet, gushy SLUSH. This was it, he realized. The end. Right before he closed his eyes, though, he remembered

something important, life-changing he'd always wanted to say.Now was the time. "I Slit The Sheet, The Sheet I Slit, And On The Slitted Sheet I Sit, Ya! Nailed It!" Eyes shut - coma