Gladys was 85 when Miss Dinnerman, a tortoise,

Gladys was 85 when Miss Dinnerman, a tortoise, arrived in the yard and are her bouguets like they were deliveries from Pizza Hut. "It is so cuthe to watch Miss Dinnerman as she

tramples my flowers so innocently. My intrigueless tortoise friend," she mused, "so unlike that Eliza Cartomancy who so disparages my origami with her glance." Old Gladys had plans

to ride her bike to town, the weather was nice and sunny, a light wind in her hair would be quite pleasant

. That is, if she had hair. The alopecia attacked her follicles when she was but a wee lass & she'd been bald ever since. Yet, her freckles & optimistic disposition resulted in

an air of confidence. Confidence that was not merited however, due to her appalling lack of any skills that might remotely be deemed useful. Instead, she got through life so far by

feigning accidents and collecting indemnities. Plan: run out on field when receiver passes by; fake being run over. Alas, she intercepted the pass, entire defense came bearing down

and suddenly her past life as an Amazon kicked in and found herself in the thick of battle. She was armed only with a pigskin but she was battle canny and they were not. ESPN ran

hours of commentary about whether or not she would lead her team to the Super Bowl. The Amazon woman who had awakened inside her guaranteed victory and trash talked everybody. When

her team lost the Super Bowl, the Amazon Woman trashed the field, cursing like a sailor before receding back into her subconscious and falling asleep again. "Did I do that?" she

she asked when she came to. Turns out she did and didn't. She suffered DID and it wasn't Tara her birth self but Amazon woman one of her 12 different personalities.