Study finds that multi-tasking is associated with fewer brain cells. "Well, well, well." said Prof. Abalone. "What a BIG surprise." He started to laugh and unhinged his bivalve as I both froze & thrashed. Cruel Prof. Abalone! I puked into my cummerbund, which ruined my magic act for the night. I could not accept that the Cosmic Emanator was a unicellular organism. I had to get to the bottom of this! I threw down my magic hat and cane in a great huff, and I stormed off the stage. Cruel Prof. Abalone would have to take up the slack. Lets face it, I was getting tired of being a second-rate magician. I had my eyes set on making it to Vegas. I knew that if Prof. Abalone wanted to continue working dive bars it was his business. I auditioned at Vegas casinos, but my act was not Penn & Teller’s or David Copperfield’s. I needed a gimmick. I remade myself as “Screwdini,” the magician who made women disappear during sex. "So you're a comedy act. I'll pass. Vegas is full of comedy acts", is all I heard. Why did everybody think that Screwdini was a comedy act? I could quote every line from every gimmicky porno movie I ever saw. "Another day, another biscuit. That's what I always say." That's from the second Kelsey Grammar sex tape. My magic act suddenly morphed into a pay-per-view pornographic cooking show complete with biscuits, bagels and tutus. Kelsey Grammar challenged Rob Lowe to a sex tape one off, winner take all but no-one was really interested in either Kelsey's or Rob's buns, no matter how much butter was smeared on them. When Betty Crocker showed up wrapped in cellophane, the screen went to a screen test patterns not seen by human eyes since the mid 70s. Then a horizontal bar of static appeared expanding vertically until it encompassed us all. Some rejoiced.

 

Comments

1 Jimbeau's photo

Oh, my…so…this is how the Baby Boon Generations fades away…raised by television…informed and controlled by the mass media…and made extinct by High Definition Microwave Beams.

2 Woab's photo

Yes. Plus, the Col.‘s finale was awfully good, I thought.

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