I told you before that when you want something

I told you before that when you want something done, you hire three contractors for peanuts and give the massive bonus to whomever succeeds first.

Whomever succeeds last, he is the one for the real job. Remember that the anchor won't grab hold unless the mud is really black. Look for the last, she will be the best.

My mind was reeling with semi-cliches and - like a Tourettes sufferer, I kep spouting them out to any passerby. He who laughs last laughs

laughs longest. He who dares wins. A rolling stone gathers moss. I paused, I liked that last one! Focus and clarity returned to me. I looked again at the caption competition

and felt a thrill run through me at the thought of the Grand Prize - a lifetime supply of Shredded Wheat cereal. This contest was in the bag. I was confident that I would win. But

just then a parade of animated mini-wheat zombies came from no where and began attacking my head. Adroitly, I ran to the fridge and poured the milk carton over my head, dissolving

the undead mini-wheatlings into a fetid, milky paste that ran down my face & stung my eyes. Where had these cereal zombies come from, & couldn't they have chosen a more interesting

victim? I was just a Kirby vacuum cleaner salesperson. I sat, glassy eyed and stony faced, contemplating my options: killing undead mini-wheatlings was going to take more than just

12 amps of pure suction. He would need the edger attachment. But he had left that in the van. He made a valiant effort with the ceiling fan cleaner, but was shot in th head while

dashing back to the van. I turned around in shock as he went down with a hole in his head. I pulled the pistol i had hidden in my parachute pants, and fired and watched as he fell.