James felt the scarlet knife slide out of

James felt the scarlet knife slide out of his hand.

And clink onto the metal catwalk below. Several of Blofeld's minions stopped their progress on the missile and looked up. James smiled sheepishly and ducked.

The Rover's metallic eye swept over him. James waited on the catwalk, Blofeld's minions fueled the gargantuan missile. The ice gas started descending in shards.

James tried to brush ice gas shards out of his immaculately coiffed hair when Pussy Galore started unzipping her wetsuit. The gargantuan missile spiralled into orbit, locking onto

Her golden locks and taking her with it. James asked Dr. Strangelove for advice, and then Dr.Who. Clearly she had been kidnapped by aliens from some unknown planet. No way to know

how many droids an Andorian dollop could buy until you rode the pony home, as they say. And that was just it! James couldn't ride that pony if she'd been kidnapped by space aliens.

The alien horse rustlers laughed their tinny laugh at James as they rode away in their tinny covered-wagon-shaped craft. They had his pony and no amount of dollops would bring her

to stable. 30/30 was having none of it. Hot in pursuit of the pony rustlers, he leapt from James's space wagon and onto that of the villains', brandishing his laser musket. With a

wave of a finger vibrator, he kicked in the villain’s Rock Candy windshield & fired his laser musket at the alien’s brisket, cooking it to a well done 205°Fahrenheit. What a feast!

The customary after feast orgy, however, was awkward. The aliens didn't seem to swing that way. To their credit they gave it the old college try. There were no Happy Endings.