Cyndi hated it when you misspelled her name.

Cyndi hated it when you misspelled her name. She wasn't Cynthia or Cindy. Her insistence on the right spelling landed her in trouble last Tuesday, when

she worked out her frustration by dressing in a red bikini and ugg boots and rode rush hour public transit, rubbing up against people in in appropriate ways. This was effective but

it wasn't as satisfying as she had expected. " WHy me?" she exclaimed. "I always

thought it would taste better if I resisted my impulses and waited for the right moment." She sighed deeply and left the room in silence, immensely disappointed.

But the chocolate craving would not go away. The desire was unbearable and her feet automatically led her to

to the big brown door that opened to the chocolate land but to her surprise

it was locked. She detested the thought of being stuck in gumdrop county any longer. Toothpicks and tweezers would not budge the lock. But then she noticed

the candied jack hammer in the corner. They'd candy anything in gumdrop country. It was small, but the hydraulics still came to attention. She put it to the lock and it exploded

Into a million pieces. The lock showed barely a blemish. As Geraldo held back tears, the live cameras kept rolling. The producer started making stretch gestures, so Geraldo

threw off his restrictive leathers and rolled out his yoga mat. No one, but no one, could do a sun salutation like he could, and the producer damn well knew it.