He was bloated bald-headed man who like Copenhagan and Bull Terriers. Not at the same time of course. He drove a silver Honda fit like a bat out of Hell. He wanted to be the next Meatball, but with more than just one hot chick to sing with. 'Paradise By The Dashboard Lights' played on the console TV/stereo 8-track. The strong bass tones vibrated The customized van started rocking. Someone accidentally kicked the gear shift and the whole set-up rolled into the corn field. The 8-track switched to "Bat out of Hell." Indeed, they found themselves in hell now. The van had a broken transmission cable, so there they were, face to face with the fairie folk who lived there and invited them to stay! The part of Hell administered by Fairies seemed a decent a place as any to settle down. There weren't any sugar plums there they soon found, and nuts got cracked at the drop of a hat, like the one he'd come here to find. If he couldn't bribe the Hell Fairies with sugar plums, he'd just have to do this the old-fashioned way. He grabs his rusty syringe and his bottle of mercury and bounds out the door. As he goes he fills the rusty syringe with mercury, watching for the first Hell Fairy to come at him. He only needed one. For now. And lo, it comes to pass. "Have at thee, foul Hell Fairy!" he shouts as he shoots the diaphanous creature full of mercury, then watches as it drops to the brown grass and writhes in agonizing ecstasy. And then, just when he thought his ordeal was finished (and just like we see in the movies), the Hell Fairy rose silently behind him again & shrouded his head in a wreath of daisy chains and roses, and as he slipped into an endless sleep, he could hear the Fairy humming a lullaby.

 

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