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Padding toward him, Julian saw Pepper, the

  • Padding toward him, Julian saw Pepper, the dog he inherited from his niece, Kelly, when she moved away to college. They didn’t allow dogs in the dorms. That was 6 years ago and

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  • she'd moved in with room mates, and then with a sickly genius with allergies. Pepper's sentence had been extended by circumstances outside her control, but she wasn't bitter.

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  • "Editors extend and cut sentences all the time!" Pepper tried to convince herself. This should be no different. So, Pepper gathered up her finger paints and glitter and

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  • lance armstrong bracelets and tried to work her magic. But the raccoon wasn't having it. He wanted to stay and finish this last round of Moon Patrol. So she found a

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  • thick pine-needle-encrusted branch and snuck up behind the raccoon. "Take that!" she pronounced after culcocking him upside the head. "Magic, my arse! Who needs it when you've got

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  • the Gathering? The racoon plummeted to the forest floor, and his immediate death. Yogi then opened a can of cling peaches in heavy syrup and settled in for a tuck.

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  • "Ahh, violent deaths always get my tummy hungry!" said Yogi. "But these peaches need a side dish!" So he scooped up the dead racoon's brain scattered on the forest floor, and

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  • while continuing to roger poor Boo-Boo, described a preparation for brains and peaches that would make a Top Chef cry in terror. Unfortunately, the Boo-Boo's cries

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  • carried a lot farther than anyone had expected. The authorities thus alerted, a terrified Boo-Boo was returned to

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  • Jellystone Park just in time for the pic-a-nic with Yogi. Hanna-Barbera is reported to be considering pressing charges but did not immediately return our call seeking comment.

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