There are two toilets in my house. One is for us; one is for guests. I think this is tremendously unfair because we don't even get that many guests but they get to use the clean pristine toilet to make their guest contribution to our effluent. The tiles gleam & they even have a bath with no ring. Once when my wlfe was sleeping, I snuck in the guest bathro om & used the toilet. My wife called a meeting with me & the boys. "I'm naming no names," she said, looking at me, "but until accuracy in aiming improves, the guest toilet is verbo ten." We all groaned. "What if we sit down to pee?" said Pete. Mom said, "Nein, I know you boys aren't sitzpinklers." "What's with the German? Have you become a guest toilet Nazi?" Frowning, Mom ripped the tissue roll from Pete's grasp and declared, "No poo for you!" Pete contemplated brandishing his royal plunger in defiance, but canned the idea. He knew his duty. Nobody could say he didn't. If there were 3 piles of duty before him he knew which was his and which two other duties wished they were. "But Mom, I have to do #2! " It was easier to explain than when he had to do a #3 and his Mom understood - perhaps more than he would have wanted. She promised to let him to do his business in peace but she kept shouting advice through the bathroom door. "Make sure you've got a firm on the toilet seat. Is there enough toilet paper? You'll need at least three rolls" "Mom!" he said, "I am fine." But he was regurgitating the backwards English he learned in school and used when folding stories. The Maltese Falcon who tutored him with quirky pronunciation of such words as "I", "am" and "fine" stared at him, stony-faced. "I thought I taught you better than that," said the Maltese Falcon. "I never understood what you're saying," he replied.

 

Comments

1 lucielucie's photo

I love sitzpinkler!

2 Gibber's photo

“Sitzpinkler” should be considered a term of respect, like “gentleman.”

3 Futique's photo

“Two quilted plies with a diagonal fold in the front, the roll rolling towards the user.”

“What are you reading there? That sounds like my Notes for a Proper Guest Bathroom.”

“They are you notes and I have them now. You’re done Guest Bathroom Nazi! NO POO FOR YOU!”

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