To whom it may concern STOP My name is Sam,

To whom it may concern STOP My name is Sam, I work at the telegraph factory STOP The telegraphs have become sentient STOP Send help STOP also Diet Coke STOP Just don't

forget my Mentos STOP It gets so dull here and I work long hours STOP Just the other night I distinctly heard moaning that seemed to come from my telegraph machine whenever I

dropped it on top of my wife's sister head. If only I could kill her. I've tried everything. Poisoning her lime jello "salads." But she was like a cockraoch. Nothing killed her.

I seethed as I rudely stared at the single black hair growing out of the enormous mole on my sister-in-law's nose. Idiot that she was, she completely misread the situation & tried

poison the man from the bar with KCN. I rolled my eyes as my sister-in-law tried talking to me. She seemed frantic. I wasn't paying her much mind. It's her problem not mine. She

Did not like Keith's chicken nuggets, but they were better than McDonald's by furlongs. KCN was known for one case of ptomaine poisoning, however. That was a mushroom burger.

Luckily, the mushroom burger was the least popular item on the menu, so the food poisoning was quickly minimised. Keith's Chicken Nuggets Pty Ltd. narrowly avoided a lawsuit.

The diner was closed by the Health Department. CDC even called in a Biohazard Team to clean the place up. The seats & tables were covered in vomit, shit&piss, & contaminated food.

No one would ever eat there again, and especially not the germophobes. The Biohazard Team suggested putting all the diners into a hospital while they recovered from severe food

poisoning. Several died. The Biohazard Team had nightmares for decades. The general population avoided the whole street. Somehow it stayed open-To this day, they still serve food.