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Is he really that into you? Our resident

  • Is he really that into you? Our resident body language expert, Erwin Rommel, shares the secret top ten signs that that guy is flirting with you. 1. He starts fiddling with his

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  • car keys - get in the trunk, you're a keeper 2) He lies under the monkey bars to peek up your skirt - aww 3) He does the kill signal at his hitman - your boyfriend better watch out

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  • and those are the three traits of an excellent life partner. Now, at the bottom of this brochure is a map of Detroit. You are the red dot. Now, what you can do is really

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  • walk up & down Woodward Ave. in downtown Detroit & you'll definitely find your life partner...eventually. Just start walking. It's that easy! Make eye contact with each person you

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  • Meet and assume they are poor like you. Watch the houses colllapse and property values plummet. Plan to live elsewhere. 2-1/2 years later, this was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sad.

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  • I think self-fulfilling prophecies are the best. Let them do some of the heavy lifting. Why should we? It was their idea to prophesize, not mine. Anyway, after another 2-1/2 years,

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  • I was finally able to retire as night watchman at the aquatic zoo orphanage. My clothes no longer smelled of carbon filtration and the infernal sound of bubbles faded in my ears.

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  • As I settled into my comfiest chair at home, I let out a breath I felt I'd been holding for years. It may not have been hell on earth at the aquarium but I wouldn't miss it either.

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  • That's when I noticed the lampshade was made up of eels. My TV had a shark inside and my bathtub was a dolphin. My howlin' willy bass on the wall turned to me: "Join us!"

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  • I screamed from the bottom of my lungs. A school of fish spilled across my tongue and swam through my living room. I breathed in nothing but water. The bass watched me as I choked.

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1 Comments

  1. LordVacuity Oct 17 2019 @ 16:55

    Cue the low key funk bass line.

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