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As a lil' corporate shill, I dreamed up ways

  • As a lil' corporate shill, I dreamed up ways to slip pro-Doritos messages into my oral report on "Lazy B". I tried, "Sandra grew up on a Cool Ranch," but Susie sniffed it out and

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  • Told me to try eating my report instead. After all, it might have tasted like doritos! I took her up on her dare and shoved the paper into my mouth. "This doesn't taste like

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  • any kind of snack I've ever had." he said,his mouth stuffed with my report."That's because it's nacho cheese!" I shouted. I decided to let the chips fall where they may. My doritos

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  • nacho cheese-flavored TPS reports brought all the managers to my yard, and, soon enough, the promotion, corner office and personal secretary I'd always wanted were mine. However,

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  • achieving a 'paperless office' by eating all the cheesy paperwork meant that my secretary and I expanded. Attempting to exit my office, we got fatally stuck together in the doorway

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  • of nothingness. We had no idea that it was attached to the supply closet. My secretary and I became a glittering cloud of atoms traveling through the multiverse's doorways.

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  • It was the sexual experience of a lifetime. When we were through, each of out atoms lit a tiny cigarette and rotated into harmonious spins. "Was it good for you?" the chorus echoed

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  • The atoms replied their numbers had just multiplied by ten since the time machine was switched on. H.G. Wells was fiddling with the now automated control panels while bringing the

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  • ghost of Alfred Hitchcock up on the time machine's monitor. "Good evening," said the ghost. "Yes, hello," said Wells, "have I reached the future?" "Please leave a message at the

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  • bottom of the dell. The farmer will get back to you shortly." A flock of birds covered his image, leaving Wells to his message. He decided not to go. Future, 'twas a silly place.

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