I had a lousy sixty-three cents in my pocket, and I was thirsty. I entered the McDonalds and headed to the restroom; after which, I ambled over to the Coke machine and stuck my mouth right under the nozzle."Excuse me sir!" a worker approached me.I flipped him the bird, making sure to maintain eye contact as I poured Coke right into my greedy, little mouth . "But sir that's Pepsi," the worker called out. But it was too late. I began to spew the Pepsi in every direction, like a human lawn sprinkler. A shower of brown rained down upon my aunts, all four of them. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!??" they screamed in sync. "Sorry, I should've noticed it was Pepsi." I could see the worker trying so hard not to laugh. What a weird family I have! I tried to explain away my crazy aunts who so enjoyed dropping in at the workplace to check on my soda-drinking habits, but my boss was having none of it. "You crazy broads need to stop coming around here when da kid is working!" Tony, my boss, shouted. "And you..." he turned his attention to me. "You gotta pay for them sodas. I ain't run -ning no charity organization, capiche?!" Tony, my boss, had been binge-watching The Sopranos and had taken on all sort of mannerisms from the show. Strange, as he was an Asian man His accent gave him away and he ended up resembling Charlie Chan! He did a damn good job of it, though. It won him a prize at the end of summer party we had at Madam Wong's bar. The runner up, Otto Fiat, felt that he had been gypped because he had not been allowed to take off his burgha and show his Charlie Chan because of a reported shadow. Otto appealed but got nowhere. He found out later the judges were closet “beard racists” who would never give an Asian style 1st place. Otto decided to grow a Paul Bunyan instead.

 

Comments

1 MadWorld's photo

...sorry…my phone, without my authorization,  was clicking photos of the inside of my pocket…hundreds of them…I want to use one of them as my new profile photo, but it’s hard to choose…they all look alike…void of light…saturated with color…formless…lifeless…I still only have a lousy sixty-three cents in there, and I’m still thirsty…mighty thirsty.

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