May I introduce myself? He handed me with

May I introduce myself? He handed me with his clawlike anntenae a business card reading "Yawunik Kootenayi - Lobster With Two Sets Of Eyes From 500,000,000 B.C."

For an awkward moment I was at a loss while my translatomesh sifted through possible meanings and replies, then: "Yawunik Four-Eyed Lobster of the Past, the Tentragorukh Realm wel

ts persevering within carabiners climbing leather waterspouts." My alien friend looked on, perplexed. "What is going on?" I thought while scrolling through the translator's menu

. Crumbs were all over the screen, blocking some of the view.

I swore to myself (again) that this was the last time I would watch videos of dogs being hit in the balls while I ate cookies. An ad on the sidebar caught my attention. It was for

canine ball soothing lotion. I fingered my mouse, lost in thought. Then it came to me all at once like I'd been hit by a dream at 100mph. The first stanza of my epic poem entitled

"Don't puke without me" went: Don't take that drug or drink that drink, The after affects will make you stink, Wait for me to join in too, We'll throw up together just us two, And

That's how it was when I was still writing poetry. Now I fold stories. And I am that much closer to enlightenment in the surrealistic universe. Just three more lines and this tale

will soap to the apex of the Top Stories list. All we need is to add some sort of creepy parrot in pink pants and a sea monkey dressed as a manatee or something. How about a

visit from Gen. Custer and his sometimes sidekick Professor Loomis? Waa'kapuukaa' looked at the Gas Masked Socialite who shook her head so he said, "give us the leprechaun then."