jimfrel's photo
 

The speaker was relieved. "Thank you cat, your wise words have made me feel better about my safety."

BlastedHeath's photo
 

"Mom, what's the point of homework if we're all gonna die?" Lauren said, "Honey, this is just in case you live. In previous centuries lots of kids died before they became adults."

BlastedHeath's photo
 

"I'm sorry sir, but there are no trains that run from Chicago to Wuhan, and there never have been. You'll have to take a plane and hope they don't put China under quarantine before

Jimbeau's photo
 

My name is Mitchell Watts. Since I was a young boy, I’ve been addicted to fig bars (I eat them day and night); therefore, since I was a young boy, I have answered to the name Fig.

LordVacuity's photo
 

As he didn't seem all that concern about it, I shucked it off and got back to finishing my business with this fount of wisdom that he wasn't. "Where is the dropped shoe now?" A pin

LordVacuity's photo
 

Before he could finish the trap door beneath collapsed and he fell through the stage. Through his bellow he could hear the audience realize it had been duped. The snakepit below

LordVacuity's photo
 

His last name was Gomez. I sat down with Gomez. You'd think that looking like Uncle Fester would make for a poor hitman. I don't know. Gomez made it work. "Waiting for the goombahs

Jimbeau's photo
 

in my irritable bowels, I suppress a cyclone of arrogance & condescension that would traumatize even the more tolerant people in the office. After today, the asshole ME takes over.

jgpabst's photo
 

was accepted in NWAM. Especially because the ¨A¨ stood for

Kitchenboy's photo
 

not lines of people waiting to be punched by you. If everything could be taken literally, then I think everything would make more sense even when you're inebriated. Even algebra.