He was alone on the Metro, and all he could

He was alone on the Metro, and all he could think about was Midnight Meat Train. There were only two other people on the train, one a drunken girl in a mini-skirt, the other a

n experienced-looking blonde sucking on a lollipop. He looked at mini-skirt girl. Mini-skirt girl looked at lollipop lady. He smoothed his moustache. Instrumental disco started pla

. Mr. Farley quickly ejected the XXX DVD. "Uh, I better, uh, take this home to watch the rest of this for your safety." One of the First Graders said, "Now wait a minute. You are i

in the future? But you're old NOW! I might only be in 1st grade but even I know that you should not meet yourself this way. I can't believe I am going to grow up to be a Barney.

Barney Miller, Barney Gumble, or Barney the Purple Dinosaur, I couldn't be sure, but no prospect was good. It turned out I did become a purple dinosaur--but not wearing a suit.

I was pushed out onto the set with nothing to cover my purple reptilian bikini zone. What's worse, there were kids on the set. Kids! Clearly, I was being framed. As the cameras

panned and scan me, I saw one of those juveniles grab his Ken doll knob and give it a tweak in my direction.Succinctly, I opened my purple reptilian bikini pocket and winked at him

suggestively. But he wouldn't make another move. I hesitated. We had other plans, but if he could wait, then so could we. I downed another can of beer, anticipation growing.

Eventually anticipation peaked and me and my little friend made good on our plans, left him in his stupor, and painted the porcelain.