When the chief offered his daughter the interpreter

When the chief offered his daughter the interpreter told me this was an offer I couldn't turn down. "I am already married. Tell him that. Point out my wedding ring." "Why does that

matter?" asked the chief through the interpreter. i laughed nervously, "well in America we typically only marry one woman.." I muttered quietly to myself about my wife

filing for a divorce. We still had a chance; I wasn't going to settle our fate by marrying some chief's daughter. I would need to escape this foreign mess some other way. "Ahem," I

coughed:"Chief's daughter pretty like moon," I assured. A satisfied hum from the tribesmen. "But me can't marry her; me gay." The Chief beamed:"Gringo marry gay twin brother!" #%*&

"Uuuuuhhh me no mean to say me gay, me uhhhh... asexual?" The Chief eyed me suspiciously. "Good good Gringo, this mean you virgin, make good sacrifice to lava god." Son of a

gun, gonna have some fun down in the volcano! Because really, since I was a virgin, I wouldn't know what I was mssing, anyway, plus I would bring rain tot the village. So I dove

In and, regrettably, burned. The agony lasted for 30 days and 30 nights until I was finally unleashed upon the village, my laughing face in each raindrop, sizzling the villagers sk

skin until they were all beyond recognition. The crops were rotted in the fields, medical attention was unhelpful, and prayer did not help in the agony. I was unstoppable and I

knew it, but this, ALL this...forced me to hit my pause button. This was not what I'd wanted. This was not my intention...& yet I had to be honest. This tragedy was all my fault.

And now, hitting my PAUSE button was my final blunder. I tried to GO, but I couldn’t hit my GO button because I was on PAUSE. Soon my battery would be completely run dow-- -- --