My kitty, Ted, is the biggest badass cat

My kitty, Ted, is the biggest badass cat in the world. He weighs 21 pounds and wakes me up each morning by sitting on my face each morning until I can't breathe.

I thought about having Ted stuff but his fur was so beautiful I considered having it made into a stole. Instead I settled on a rug that I placed in front of my fireplace to give a

lived in look. When Audrey ignored me, looking into Ted's dead glass eyes, stroked his chest & purred "Can I take him home?" I decided a little taxidermy could fix the situation

. Audrey was beautiful stuffed. I put her and Ted in a glass domed case and displayed them together in my bay window next to the aspidistra. My next project was stuffing the neighb

orhood. The place where I grew up had always held a sacred space in my heart. I would murder, stuff and preserve my entire neighborhood so that I could live there forever.

I think that a certain point it was clear to everybody it was I that was disappearing all my neighbors but by then they were all afraid they were next so just looked the other way.

This went on for four years, then I vanished without trace and nobody ever found out! I was reincarnated as a chinchilla. My uncle was in the chinchilla family I joined.i last saw

my old life through the lens of a dropped iphone 7 plus. It was clear and sad & I took a photo of my pre-chinchilla world with my fuzzy nose. "This is the only way I can

remember those days, now that I have a chinchilla brain," I thought, as I quickly lost track of what I was thinking. Pretty soon I had forgotten and was absentmindedly chewing the

bottom of the cardboard box I was being kept in and next thing I knew I was free! I looked around for others to talk to but because I was no longer human I forgot how to talk. -fin