Bears had gods too, y'know. According to

Bears had gods too, y'know. According to my research at Spitsbergen, Thor Bear was widely feared/worshipped amongst Norse polars. Heathen salmon were offed in the name of Thor Bear

but after centuries of persecution, the salmon rebelled against their Norse bear overlords! A great leader named Libero Pisces started a revolution. Her rebel cry was "Behold

..the time has come for us to crush the chains of slavery and injustice!!" She draws her sword from atop her steed, Argos, and leads the soldiers to battle.

The opponent, unfortunately, is a large lake of acid. To a one, her army is obliterated. Upon hearing the news, the King grips his forehead and sighs. "I've lost too many daughters

to Justin Bieber!" So the King set out to kill Justin Bieber. He came back to life in his resurrection creche in Graceland's basement.

"He'll have a blue-oo-oo-oo-oo face when I'm done with him!" Hellbent on destroying that little baby-face Bieber, he jumped in his old pink Cadillac and headed west.

Babyface Bieber was still searching for his nemesis four years after he went on highway 61 and got lost. He drifted off into no-man's-land. He accidentally found his monkey eating

his face off. He got frightened & shooed the monkey off. The monkey ran off with a large chunk of his left cheek including his tear drop tattoo. Babyface Bieber ran to a mirror to

see if the piece that the monkey had torn off his left butt cheek made his butt look thinner. It did, but now his right butt cheek looked enormous. Babyface Bieber began to panic.

He couldn't go on stage with one buttock cheek looking bigger than the other. So, he canceled the concert, but he didn't refund the money. He used it to have the monkey euthanized.