Hello! My name is Taipan and I am a Siamese cat rescued froma sewer. My human, Tom, tells me I neverstop talking, but he has finally found his BFF for life. We are both happy! You may wonder why I,a siamese cat,am named after a large highly venomous snake.Let me elaborate.Tom is a herpatologist.When he rescued me from the sewer, he was trying to capture a slim woman named Melba. Needlessly to say, he was a complete failure. But, this led him to procure me, a Siamese cat, with a large highly venomous snake name. Can you imagine Melba's surprise when he told her he'd named their new cat "Cobra"? Let alone MY surprise at being given such a stupid name. I'm a cat: I hate cobras! I began to plot his death. I had had it with my owners. Me, Melba, renamed “COBRA!” just the nerve of it was driving me crazy. My plans for his murder was to shove an electrical item into their tub while they wore each other's undies and warbled this or twittered that. Bird songs, squawks, chirps, etc., all night long. If they wanted a cobra I was going to be the Cobra. I threw the -ology out the window and went totally Pagan just to keep their love alive. The church took away my clerical collar and suggested that I wear a dog collar, instead. I howled with laughter at the thought of being treated like a dog by the very ones who'd had a collar around my neck all of these years. I would not miss them. This is the only way to be free. On impulse& just for old time's sake before we parted ways forever, I lifted my leg & left my mark. Then I shoved my nose in their crotches one last time. The door was now open & I donned my parachute & jumped out, my pals raining pee & poop down on me.I landed & tried to blend in, but somehow hostiles found me fast.The US was paid $1,000,000 to take me back.

 

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