Anyone who might have glanced my way would think nothing of me walking through the neighborhood in the morning. It was a school day and kids carry bags to school all the time. Except I was a 63 year old man with shrapnel scars and two ex-wives. I'd been in the shit being shot at by slopes in Vietnam. Now, I was going to back to school, Elementary school. Call it my second tour of duty. On the first day, all hell broke loose. Students screaming, pencils, papers everywhere. I had flashbacks to the tiger cage in the Hoy Tong Valley Nobody was ready to listen to me, except that little lonely yet amiable child who sat in the corner. He kept listening to me when I spoke and nodded when I finished. Then I realized that he was battling narcolepsy, the nodding serving only to jolt the poor boy awake again. This new information freked me out and I started to sob. The boy was after all dating an Insomniac whose father was a somnabulist and mother was a somniloquist. What would come of this union. I tended to worry about things long before they were happening. As we drank the wine, he mentioned he lived in the world of underground kickboxing stamp collecting. He was a fatalist fugitive pugilist philatelist. This date was going better than the coffee date with the despotic mule driver with a penchant for lispy poetry slamming. He raged about burrossss over churrossss. But she was much happier now that she had left the sleazy, dimly lit world of beatnik poetry slams and stand-up "comedy", the lowest form of humor. Instead she opted for the superior dimly-lit world of cashews and macademia nuts. At least that is what she called the old dotty professors of the local college. She dated one for a few months before she realized those weren't his real teeth.



1 jaw2ek's photo

This is one of my favorites. Cohesive and coherent. Nice job.

2 SlimWhitman's photo

Yes indeed, a keeper.

3 Chaz's photo

Apologies to Heywood Banks
“Phillip Pharr, Phillip Pharr, where did you go wrong?
You’re a fatalist fugitive pugilist philatelist, and this is your song.”

4 Zetawilk's photo

I prefer pistachios.

5 buddyboy4711's photo

hehe, “nutty professors” ...I didn’t get it till just now.  Nice!!

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