Stay tuned for another episode of ... When Penguins Turn. This episode we look at a group of seemingly innocent penguins who raided a shopping mall, snapped viciously at shoppers and made it off with a job lot of Various Mickey Mouse merchandise. What the penguins want with the stolen merch is currently unknown, but our investigative reporter, Jim, is on the case. Back to you, Jim. Clearly, these penguins are up to no good. All they desire is stolen goods, some fresh krill, and a pat on the head. These are truly dangerous times, Frank. We caution everyone to approach the penguins with caution. They may seem innocent, but we suspect they're a new cult of sorts. We suspect they're looking for human recruits. The penguins set up their information table in front of the 17th State Bank of Schlomo. It was the only bank in town, so pretty much the lifeblood of their economy went through it. "We'll launder your first $500K for free, and include this Flintstones juice glass as our gift," a penguin told me as he leered over the table at my knees. It sounded like a good deal, but I was always cautious where penguins were concerened. "First 500K for free, eh? What's the vig?" I inquired. The penguin smiled. "Oh, let's step into my igloo and discuss it in there. Forgive me if I get sidetracked. I have ADD." The penguin led me inside. "We only got your wife to sign the divorce papers by cutting off her ha- Do you like cookies?" He took my horrified silence as a yes, & waddled off. All I remember is his return with a tray full of steaming cookies & one charred, human hand with a familiar ring. “Not again!”

 

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