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He was the perfect man. Sitting across from

  • He was the perfect man. Sitting across from him on our 1st date, I admired his smile, the way his eyes twinkled in the candlelight, his laugh. Only 1 thing: Green slime was drippin

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  • g from his exposed third nipple. Okay, he was perfect except two things: green slime was dripping from his exposed third nipple & he had large black bruises all over his vestigial

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  • self. I learned that the secret slime word that activated his third nipple/slime faucet was "um", so I'd um until he'd take his slime-drenched shirt off. "So, um, deary, how was

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  • slime shot out of his chest like a canon. It thwomped me in a goop-deluge and when I screamed some of the slime went in my mouth. That's when I got angry. You won't like me when

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  • I'm angry becaue I get, you know, really shouty. I yelled cutting comments at him gloopily. I took my cheese & onion sandwich & rammed it into the nozzle of his chest slime cannon

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  • The vacuum sounded like a leaf blower. The noise police arrived and arrested him. His sneezes were too loud. A muffler was installed. It cost 600 dollops and was paid for by Philip

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  • Glass. His daughter-in-law, Jan Brady-Glass, was a nuclear engineer who just happened to sideline as a sound engineer for a Blue Clyde tribute band called The Barrier. She modified

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  • her adjusted gross income to reflect the high bills she had paid to hotels across the country while The Barrier had toured. Jan Brady-Glass may have been a rocket scientist, but

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  • she was no lover...nor was she a dancer. Distraught, but optimistic, Jan decided to take Ballroom Dancing Classes with Fredricka Astaire (No relationship) and sell her body to the

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  • circus. Mind you, she didn't actually JOIN the circus, she just sold her body to it. That made her a lot of money, but having lost her corporeal body, money became useless to her.

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1 Comments

  1. Flopp Jan 02 2019 @ 16:37

    There’s a life lesson in this... uh somewhere...

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