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He considered himself lazy and spiritual.

  • He considered himself lazy and spiritual. This is why he was a huge follower of "The Secret." All he had to do was think about stuff and it would happen. His favorite place to

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  • posit new directions was Starbucks. For some reason, sitting there with his smart phone, laptop, e-reader, iPad and quad venti sugar free hazelnut soy no foam latte allowed him to

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  • reassess the bedraggled state of his psyche. After all, he hadn't wandered into Starbucks just to jerk off his gadgets, his phone, or sip phony foam-free soy from paper cups. Maybe

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  • the life of a coffee-swilling hipster wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Vowing internally to turn over a new leaf, he

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  • marched over to the Gap and purchased a whole new wardrobe, along with a new personality. Hipster no longer, he decided to swing the pendulum the other way completely. Now he

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  • he wore petticoats and bussles, as if he were Nelly Olsen from Little House on the Prairie. Not surprisingly, he garnered the nickname "Nelly" having nothing to do with the rapper

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  • Resigned to his fate the Nelly male spent his days taunting that little bitch Laura and her Pa. It was fun for awhile. but now Nelly wanted blood. Ingalls blood all over his hands.

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  • So he decided to order some online, but they only had the vegetarian version. He wanted the real deal. This meant that he had to go

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  • real bad, because that's what tofu does to your digestive system. Unfortunately, he couldn't find a toilet nearby, but at least he could use

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  • Pimp Monitor's pimp hat. Cowboy TV smiled as he ruined the resale value of Pimp Monitor's most prize possession!

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