She had spent a lifetime controlling her

She had spent a lifetime controlling her emotions in public. Working as a cashier at Old Navy wasn't the place where one could "share." So she bought a beanie baby named Jesus

that looked a little like a giant turd with eyes. After the million dollar mark, they were just churning out shit and naming it after the messiah. She kissed Beanie Shit Jesus and

didn't notice the dirty smudge it left above her smiling maw. She turned to the next with glee-filled eyes and

exposed the gaping maw with all of them watching, oblivious to the brown mark above it. No, Doris would have to stop masticating with open lips, dropping

hints to her husband to give her Brite Smile tooth whitening for Valentine's Day.

Her husband failed to get the hint and instead bought her a new toaster for Valentine's Day. Although disappointed she tried to make the most of it, expecting a nice dinner out.

She acted all appreciative at the time, but that night, she threw the wretched object out the window and cried herself to sleep on the kitchen floor. Tomorrow she would

buy new batteries and feel the heat between her loins like she did that time when no one was watching. I WILL make it happen but, I need something to read

while waiting for the damned delivery boy with my batteries.Something to keep me going.And maybe,if he is cute I won't be needing the batteries afterall...

...boy was that a disappointment. Kid was fugly, and brought four C cells when I specifically said I needed Ds. At that, I put on my snuggie, crawled into my cot, and passed out.