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They missed the last ferry home because her

  • They missed the last ferry home because her dad was on the toilet and refused to let them leave until he was done. No courtesy flush meant the stench was palpable when

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  • I came home six months later from my malaria tour of the congo. The mosquitoes there bit each citizen there upwards of two hundred times a night, about as often as my ex-wife bit

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  • her reins when we played "horsey" before everything went sour. The good news was I didn't actually get malaria, but bad news - I was infested with bot fly larvae. It made my skin

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  • puff up and get shiny like a bloated dead seal carcass. That was the bad news, the good news was that my wrinkles were gone. With my saved botox money I bought a

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  • poisoned cow, and had somehow missed the irony in the purchase. Needless to say my unfurrowable brow sat motionless, when I startingly witnessed a moose fall directly in front of

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  • the neighbor's house. The moose grappled for purchase on the slick pavement, yet another sign that city folks need to stop paving or stay where they came from. On second thought,

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  • maybe he needed to go back to where he came from. A moose would never really belong in a big city like New York. Especially not a moose as ugly as Johnny: no-one liked big antlers

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  • because they get in the way of everything.

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  • She shouldn't just be able to do things like that. And get away. Someone needs to show her some common knowledge.

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  • She rubbed her hands together and started to plot revenge. She decided to plant a stink bomb in Stacey's locker. When she opens the locker, a cloud of stink will arouse. She didnt

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