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"Look, I already told you, I'M NOT PUTTING

  • "Look, I already told you, I'M NOT PUTTING IT BACK ON!" I shouted at Colonel Stafford. She looked appalled. "I never wanted to be a part of all this! YOU forced me into it!"

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  • But she knew down deep inside that she wanted to be in the marching band more than she loathed the polyester uniform she'd have to wear. All the cool kids were in the band and she

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  • really had a thing for brass tubular objects AND Sousa, so band seemed like paradise. Alas, it was not to be. Instead, she was placed into Honors Chemistry, where she soon

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  • developed a desire for mathematical chemistry. The challenge was gaining acceptance into the American Chemistry Society. Upon completion of her Honours she would apply to the Socie

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  • tal disease known as super caffeination usually caused by energy drinks and corporate coffee houses. She would apply this super caffeination to a very serious problem, the big

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  • Profit making arm of the beverage business worldwide. Starbucks was the millennials' favourite spot to go to wake up. They couldn't live without their daily mocha cappuccino. Sadly

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  • , this spawned the phenomenon of the Starbuck Recluse.These modern day hermits ordered their drink & inhabited the same corner of the store wearing headphones & playing on their

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  • iPhones (but not androids because why would you do that to yourself). From time to time, one of the hoodie-clad, man-bun ridden hermits would order an iced coffee with a fake name

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  • and then stand in the coffee shop yelling, "Why does this iced coffee have a fake name? Can't we just call it what it is?". Then the police would come and drag the hipster hobo off

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  • . "Unhand me unkind constables. My porkpie hat was made at a Brooklyn boutique haberdashery and my cheroot was imported from Havana. You mar my rep." The last words he spoke.

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