"Ahh, nothing like a breath of fresh water

"Ahh, nothing like a breath of fresh water to calm the nerves," said Dean Charles, who had ditched his smoke-filled lungs for carp gills. He looked dashing in his salmon suit

, spawning admirable glances from the female salmon, nevermind his carp gills. Dean Charles breathed the freshwater in deeply, struck a bakasana yoga pose, and meditated, thinking

happy thoughts because there were no mistakes anymore, just happy accidents. Dean Charles said, "I am a beautiful cloud." and struck another yoga pose right over a nest of fire an

ts. He felt a ring of fire burn his fanny as he sat perched in chakra sampa atop the anthill. Dean Charles' yogi said, "Chuck, wot are you tinking, sitting der on holy anthill?"

Dean Charles said "Dern it yogi! My inner child said to seek a higher plain. So I climbed to the top of this hill, which happened to have ants." Yogi Pakra said "Yes, but why are

the clouds whispering? Why does the sky sing?" The ants were invading Dean's man-thong. "I dunno," he replied as he wiggled. "I flunked meteorology." Yogi Pakra grinned, revealing

his sense of humor and a set of pristine, pearly whites. Yogi Pakra asked, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" Clearly he was trying to distract me from the ants in my pants,

so I slapped him. Yogi Pakra nearly fell off the mountain but scrambled for his life and eventually regained his composure. I realized I had forgotten about the ants in my pants w

hich had calmed down once they'd aligned themselves with my chakras. I picked up Yogi Pakra, dusted him off, & suggested we make a relaxation app for apple, android & windows.

We hereby dubbed it the "Off Simulator," and later released a version called the "Bricked Device Simulator," and all our profit was made off of irony. Doubt they used it, though.