The mother cannibal said to the child, "Finish you food. Do you know there are starving children in Africa?" The cannibal child said, "Mmmm, I love Ethiopian food." The Ethiopian let out a dying groan. The cannibal child looked at her cannibal mother who said, "Don't listen to your food. And hurry up, we have work to do.". But then the food said, "I'm alive, and I'm your father. The child hesitated. "No!" "Search your feelings, you know it's true." said the dying man. "It's not true", said the mother , "and I should know - I was in Hoboken shootin' craps illegally at the time." The food gasped and slithered off the table in defeat. "There." she continued. "Now that outta do it. Another party we threw, ruined." She smiled triumphantly, knowing that mentioning crap was bound to make the food nervous. What sort of party should she throw next? Perhaps a bris! Her sense of triumph was a bright fiction in the skull of a madwoman. I kicked her to the curb as kindly as I could and returned to my undramatic spreadsheets. Our son, however, refused to follow in my footsteps, even when I generously offered to put him through accounting school. No, he wanted to pick peaches for a living. "This is your fault!" I barked at Peaches Geldof. For her part, Peaches wasn't all that thrilled to be considered a hoi polloi vocation for anyone. She wanted to get picked for herself not because of a paycheck. Picking Peaches was not always easy either. What if Apple was an option? Or the Duchess of Orange? Can you compare Apple to Peaches or a Lemon Sister? Thus, why the big bucks. When Carmen Miranda entered in her tutti-frutti hat, we were salivating. She was attacked right away. Oranges, peaches, and bananas flew. A Brazilian grease spot was all that was left.

 

Comments

1 Col.Lingus's photo

I thought Carmen Miranda was from Argentina. I haven’t bothered looking it up though. If I’m wrong the internet will quickly let me know I’m a dunce.

2 Col.Lingus's photo

Now I will look it up. Just for my own edification and not for any other reason.

3 Col.Lingus's photo

She was born in Portugal but moved to Brazil. I used to watch her movies when I was a kid. I guess I had fruit and not Geography on my mind at the time.

4 Woab's photo

Oh! I thought that the grease spot was left after she had a Brazilian wax.

5 Woab's photo

Maybe it was wax fruit.

6 Zetawilk's photo

I thought Carmen Miranda invented the Miranda rights.

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