My mom's cat was named Thomas Jefferson. My Mom's dog was named Martin Van Buren, her parakeet was called Warren G, Harding, and she once had a goldfish named William Henry Harrison, but he only lasted a month. But nobody--not even Franklin Pierce, the Siamese cat-- lived as long as Mom's horse (I think it was an American Quarter Horse) named Rutherford B. Hayes...damn, the horse lived 40 millennia! Well, I suppose it wasn't REALLY her horse. It kinda just showed up at Mom's ranch one day and decided to stay. It even lets her ride it. Guess a 40,000 year old horse doesn't get taken for a ride often. It appreciated the attention, and made fast friends with my mom. Sometimes it would get sad that it was 40000 years old, but mom said "Age is ju st a number. See all those pedophiles on the internet getting away with their crimes?" Mom then got close to the ancient being and gave it a long, hard kiss as i watched the scene, disgusted. The Ancient One had to be at least 4 billion years older than my mom! Yet there He was with at least 2 tentacles and his tongue in her mouth. Robbing the cradle of life! Mom gasped out of the monstrous french kiss and spoke cheerfully. "Son, this is your new step-father, I want you to get along OK?" Unbelievable. An ancient evil was my step-dad? He held out a bandage-swathed appendage:"Put it there, son." "No! You're old & you stink!" Mom was shocked, but I wasn't gonna star in "Eddie Has Two Mummies". "Mom, either he goes or I go!” Well, you must know how THAT turned out: Mom chose him. I packed and left. In time we mended fences, and each Christmas I went to their tomb in Cairo to visit them both.



1 LordVacuity's photo

For some reason I thought all mummiesssssssss were male.

2 IceSquad's photo

Tell that to Princess Ahmanet you mummissssogynisssst :) .

3 LordVacuity's photo

I will when I beg her pardon.

4 Wurm's photo

You must be Mister Eddie’s Father’s Mummy.

5 Woab's photo

Billy Mumy?

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