The crazy old coot in the landspeeder was right, those WEREN'T the droids we were looking for! Though, for a second there, they kind of looked a little bit like them - I mean, one was a golden wet blanket who spoke in tongues, and the other was spunky and smelled like Kenny Baker. Maybe that Porkins fellow is a droid in disguise. We'll pull no punches to the next rest stop and then this stupid golden protocol droid and his pluggy friend can get the hell out of my truck. The next rest stop was outside Leesburg. I tried to tempt them out of my truck with tales of the great talking swans of Leesburg who were mad on etiquette. The golden protocol droid refused because I didn't say 'please' So in an effort to appease the etiquette robots I added please and thank you and flourished a bow. Finally they left the car in time for me to locate the bomb and diffuse it. However, the delay with the etiquette robots got me in hot water with the efficiency robots who informed me that I should have defused that bomb 2.1 seconds earlier. I flashed comp -etantly enough and streaked down the hall, naked. "That does not compute," said the head robot, "that human must be eliminated!" "Crap!" I yelled. "Whatever," said another robot. Then I realized it was simply too cold to be streaking through the robot campus. I borrowed some towels from the gym showers where the coaches like to watch your kids change. Later in life I wondered about those coach-bots assigned to making sure the human kids exercised. Most of them were discount models, but I think maybe we envied each other's bodies After all it seems to be human nature to wish for what we cannot have. As H. Schachtel said, "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have."

 

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