I was so relieved when my girlfriend told

I was so relieved when my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. I'd been looking for a way out of the relationship and happened to be sterile. She didn't know this. Of course, she

tried to fob the paternity onto me. When I produced medical proof of my infertility,she convinced me it was immaculate conception. But her liaison with an alien became obvious when

her face started to glow an eery green. It could have been morning sickness but it is more likely that she had been flirting with space aliens. How could she cheat on me? I am a

professional Basketball player. Women just don't cheat on us. We cheat on them. But the Space Aliens were seductive. I, Michael Jordan, need, no, lust after revenge. A Jam.

Better yet, The Jam. The best revenge is a forgotten band from the late 70s or early 80s. Pink flags at football games? An homage to Wire? Barkley's prints are all over this. He

Was planning a gig to surpass all other gigs he had done under the name Barkley United. He and his bandmates plotted the whole thing over tea and scones at his mum's house. She was

a sub altern in the pied battalion, Colonial Space Scrivener’s Guild based in the Arcturus Sector and protected multiversely by long standing treaties, compacts, accommodations,

and an old condom he had kept in his wallet for almost forty years. The Colonial Space Scriveners were not sure how effective this would be against alien intruders, but trusted the

probing would be conducted in a safe and polite manner. After all, the aliens did come from Fineassia-a planet known for their indulgence in

Hell, and they sent everybody there. The end! That didn't help at all.