I figure Trixie'd have me back if I could show I was a real man, and hitchhiked across the country to her Appalachian home to rough it in the wilderness with a survivalist cookbook written by the veganest of vegans, Vincent B. Vegan himself. I'd show Trixie I was the vegan mountain man of her dreams. But while eating a bark and mushroom sandwich, I saw her attacking a bloody steak baguette like it was the last meal she'd ever eat. Trixie was a tricksy minx indeed! I walked over to challenge this faux-vegan beauty, and slapped her in the face with a dead baby seal. Instead of being upset, Trixie licked the baby seal blood. "Hey you ain't vegan!" She smiled and pulled out a giant skewer and performed some kind of skewering rendition of that chimney sweep song from Sound of Music or Cats or whatever it was. I hate musicals. Vietnamese baby seals rush the stage and sing more songs from "The Sound of Music." And as much as I love baby seals, I still couldn't stand it any longer. Why I am I here if I hate musicals so much? That's it! I decided to nuke it from space -- just to make sure. I made the call, and an hour later the Swiss alps had been reduced to a sea of radioactive rubble. Sure, the international ski community muttered, but now that inconvenient barrier was removed, mutant Italians & Frenchians mingled unhindered. Meanwhile, the Swiss funicular railway was redundant. Angry Swiss train engineers ran on time just to spite its passengers looking for an excuse to give their employers who were mostly mutant Italians and Frenchians. Funny how the world works. Funny how work is the world. The passengers shuffled slowly out the doors, reluctant to face another day with their noses to the ol' grindstone. C'est la vie...and arrivederci...

 

Comments

1 Zetawilk's photo

Trixie IS the highest-level Apple-achian mountaineer!

2 SlimWhitman's photo

The backstory to Trixie the Vegan Minx from Apple-achia: http://foldingstory.com/hj2ty/

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