I heard footsteps coming nearer and louder...sweats

I heard footsteps coming nearer and louder...sweats rolling down my face. " Who's there!?" I shouted. Suddenly a gun pointed at my face...

everything was going to plan, as long as my partner didn't shoot me. I grabbed the gun off of him and pulled him to the ground. The simulation was over. "Phew," I thought,

until I felt a firm hand grip my arm from behind. "Not so fast, young woman," said a gruff voice. I then felt something poke me in the back. "Throw down your gun and come with us.

" DAMN! I wasn't going down without a fight! I crumpled to the floor with a moan, surprising my captors, & unsnapped my lace garter. With a quick twang, I shot poison darts from my

hidden blade, succeeding to blind them for long enough to escape. Jumping through a window was the last thing I wanted to do, but the freedom was just around the corner.

Freedom was just another word for nothing left to lose, because when I went around the corner my penis, balls, ass, and extra toe were ripped off of me by an angry chimp.

The chimp rolled all over Manhattan and crushed all the buildings inhabited by robots. Robochimps were supposedly more docile and required less monkey chow. Suddenly, it was very

clear to him. He really was a monkey's uncle. Maybe that would be his legacy; The Monkey's Uncle. He wouldn't need a name anymore, he was Monkey's Uncle. Even after the scandal, he

referred to all monkeys as his nieces and nephews. Greedily playing along, they would demand candy and quarters from his pockets, leaving him a poor and bitter old fellow. No-one

knew the depth of his sorrow, and gawking tourists uploaded videos of the hilarious monkeys to Vimeo. Enraged, he would wait hours for the 30-second clips to load, then weep alone.