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I just tried to type Wanda & it's been ipad

  • I just tried to type Wanda & it's been ipad autocorrected to Wandanventham. Is Apple trying to mess with my head?

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  • "Nah. Words have 2 overlapping spellings. Have you stared so hard at a word that you stare it into two? Try it with 'Ghurvtin.' You'll see 'Ghurvtin' & 'Ghurtvin.'" - Apple Support

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  • Groups were springing up everywhere. Appleholics Anonymous. They have twelve iSteps. The first is admit that you are powerless over the automatic obsoleteness of your Apple

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  • The second most addictive apples are honeycrisp. God forbid you bruise them at the grocery store. Customers will complain to your boss and have you fired. Apple phones are opiates.

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  • The Golden Apple of Discord, kallisti, has just landed in your lap. It is not for you but only you can wield it's power while you live. This is the most addictive apple of them all

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  • which is kind of a low bar, since pears are way better. I'll never understand what the Doctor has against pears. Seriously, they're fucking great. That writer must've been lazy.

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  • Unless, as they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away, meaning that most doctors are allergic to apples, and might prefer pears. Doctor Goodfeel pondered this as he reached for

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  • the remote for his new post-digital surgical arm. He could circumcise a mite with it but it still needed a remote to set up. Doctor Goodfeel just wanted the time to stop flashing.

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  • "Have you considered unplugging it and then plugging it in again," was the suggestion Dr. Goodfeel got when he called Support. He looked at the VCR again. Then he found Time Set.

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  • Dr. Goodfeel pressed Time Set. The VCR shook violently, and the world ran backwards to the beginning of time, where a caveman rode a T-Rex while holding the VCR aloft triumphantly.

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