If you can catch this fart and paint it green,

If you can catch this fart and paint it green, I will grant you three wishes.

I didn't think, I just reacted. I whipped out a vacuum, sucked up the fart, then reversed the flow and sprayed green spray paint into the fart cloud. Boom. "For my first wish, I'll

have infinite PBJ's." The genie crossed his arms. "Human, the easiness of the challenge has led to wish inflation. People are in line to spend 8 wishes on a loaf of bread." I sued

ly sidestepped the genie's criticism. "Shut up now. I did what you said, so cut the commentary on wish economics." I spat. "For my next wish, I want a mansion by the beach, with a

top that retracts at the press of a button, like that one stadium," I snapped at the genie. For someone who'd just been granted three wishes, I sure did feel awfully grumpy over it

but I ignored the feeling by pretending to be fine until it went away. The genie looked perplexed and bored. He'd given wishes to humans before. What he wanted to do is travel.

I hadn't known that. If I knew the genie wanted to travel, maybe I would have dedicated my final wish to him. But instead I wished for something else. And like all magic,

it had unintended consequences. My final wish occurred just as I hoped, but as I went about my daily rounds I noticed I was living in a bottle. The Genie! "So, you want to travel?"

"Pack my bags, chubby stuff," I slurred to the Genie, for whom beer goggles were the ultimate blessing.In that moment, the cycle of abuse became clear:

"Tell me Why does Donald Duck fine with wearing only a shirt with no pants, yet when he comes out of the shower he has the decency to put on a towel?" he demanded. And the guardian