I am Shutruk Nahunte, King of Anshand and

I am Shutruk Nahunte, King of Anshand and Susa, Sovereign of the land of Elam. I destroyed Sippar, took the stele of Naram-Sin, & brought it back to Elam, where I erected it as an

exotic talking point in my sitting room. Except none of my friends noticed my stele of Naram-Sim. They just drank all my gin and talked about the usual crises in their lives. How

is supposed to be an American Indian greeting, but I'm American Indian and never hear that. So I grabbed my drunk friends and lined them up, I said, "No hear this,

spirit brothers. Good question is not HOW. Good question is WHY." But my drunk Native Indian Americans didn't understand either question. That's when I decided to become Chief

Of The Tribal University so everyone would know geography. Snow bunnies were preparing to assimilate with us, so I was in charge of that too. This was October 2016, not 2013!

Why do bunnies even go in the snow?!? They play in fields, and have so much

fun that they often faint of pure happiness! But then when they wake up they are always a little confused because,

life is what happens when you are busy making other plans, or in this case, sleeping through the biggest riot in the history of Barstow. They had stolen his underwear while he was

trying to dry it on the line and were now wearing his Y-fronts as some sort of rebel hats. The rioters pulled their hair through the leg-holes and chanted "Up the regime!"

But, alas, a loner, a rebel without a cause, peered upon his peers, noticing all too easily that he was the only one wearing the holey white, brown and yellow Y-fronts of the King.