The room spun - not really, it was in his

The room spun - not really, it was in his head, but the net effect was the same: he lost his lunch on the old woman sitting next to him at the conference. The look of horror on her

maphroditic members of the audience went unregistered in his debilitated state. The transsexual sitting to his left asked "Is there a Dr. here? Two plastic surgeons came to his aid

and said, "How about Dr. Dre?" There was a lot of smoke. Then Dr. Dre took off his golden headphones and asked the transsexual, "What exactly can I do for you?"

The transsexual replied, "I want to be simply called Jack. Anything else is politically incorrect."

I stared into my Cheerios for a short while before I responded. " But your name is Steve" I pointed out, flicking milk against the countertop as I gestured with my spoon.

The level of my surprise to my own sudden boldness was amplified by the shocked looks on the faces of each and every one of my Cheerios.

Moments later, the Cheerios shrieked in horror as their companions were scooped up, lifted to the wide, gaping maw, and swallowed whole. "AHhh!" My stomach rumbled.

"We must save our brother Cheerios!" they yelled as they bravely leapt from the bowl, rolled up my arm and towards my mouth, bearing tiny ropes and pickaxes. I clamped my mouth

OPEN, I meant to say OPEN, hey what is going on here?! Why can't I say OPEN? I din't say open! I said OPEN. STOP THAT THAT... STOP! Ouch! With my mouth open the Cheerios got inside

and CHEERED! "We did it! We did it!" they screamed inside my mouth. Suddenly it all made sense. All I had to do was...CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH Drink milk. GULP. Swallow.