"I'm saying YES to this dress!" Susan cried, throwing her arms in the air & twirling around. I tried to smile, but honestly, it was the most god-awful wedding dress I'd ever seen. That wasn't the worst of it. Wearing a flock of live white doves was asking for it. Sure they were trained to keep her covered but it was more than likely they'd peck the grooms in the swimsuit area. It was really a disgusting wedding. The bride was covered in bird droppings, the groom was eating with his hands, which, you know, considering the lasagna and meatballs that were made by the bride's mother - it was a real mess. The groom went to hug the bride and smeared the lovely white dress with her's mother's marinara sauce. The wedding guests huddled and licked. The newly weds had lost their lower jaws during a Battleship match, and the drooling of spaghetti sauce was to be expected. Clouds flew over and parted to reveal a monstrous cluster of undulating, noodly appendages and saucy meatballs hovering over the wedding feast. It rained marinara sauce and fresh mozzarella for as far as the eye can see. By the time the bride and groom said, "I do," the entire wedding party smelled like the kitchen of an Olive Garden. As they passed down the aisle, all the vampires on the bride's side of the family shrieked at the smell of garlic and fled the church with a disquieting flap of bat wings. Outside, the groom's family threw pasta down their pants,desperate to ward off any possible chance that they would get bitten."When were you going to tell me you had vampires in your family?!"The groom brandished a cross eyed guest by the legs and swung so as to bang skulls with the bride, decking her. He then whacked at her chest with a juicy T-bone. "I said STAKE!" wailed the despairing minister.



1 IceSquad's photo

This one’s a dandy.

2 Woab's photo

Innit though!

3 SlimWhitman's photo

Every wedding has its unforgettable moments.
This one has them in spades.

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