"I am Princess Harriet of the Noctis Empire.

"I am Princess Harriet of the Noctis Empire. From this you may surmise that I am not of your world. You would be correct. I come from another dimension. I have reason to believe

you are harboring a Cenpurion war criminal on Earth. If you cooperate with extradition there will be few casualties. Do you cede?" Jeb looked at Princess Harriet. "Nice cans. Are t

hey kosher?" Princess Harriet regarded Jeb coolly. "I am purely sapiosexual," she said, "your opinion of my cans means nothing to me." "But worth a try?" Jeb said, unwilling to ced

e victory to a frigid woman. Jeb's mother had been a cold woman. Princess Harriet rebuked his advances by texting to her boring friend. Jeb decided to go for the gusto.

Unfortunately, not knowing any Spanish, he thought it had something to do with entrails & he slashed open Princess Harriet's belly. He now knows that gusto means the taste of life.

He learned the hard way you can just disembowel a princess and live to tell the tale. Confetti had burst from Princess Harriet's bowels, littering the floor like a pregnant cat.

But instead of adorable kittens clinging the drapery, it was Princess Harriet's intestinal ticker-tape. We had begged her not to eat all that paper, but being royalty, she did what

she wanted when she wanted. Decapitation, at this point, is off the table. For now. That is subject to change. Princess Harriet's astrologer suggested they use her ticker-tapeworm

,but Princess Harriet was having none of it. A ticker-tapeworm, ridiculous. Princess H sat pondering the problem. If we can't decapitate them, then maybe some kind of exotic

matter in their porridge would solve our problem. Then Princess Harriet can have her Coming Out party without having to kill anymore of them. The message would be clear to all.