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But in all seriousness, I am an eye person,

  • But in all seriousness, I am an eye person, which kind of sucks because the type of women I attract are usually too shy (or damaged?) to look you in the eye. They're always staring

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  • at my crotch.

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  • "One day, I will tell my children about this...", I thought to myself. The whole situation strangely reminded me of

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  • a bad 1980s sitcom - except without the canned laugh track. I went about my day, wistfully thinking that it would be more interesting if filmed before a live studio audience. But,

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  • as he not a Reagan youth, nor a 25 year old girl pretending to be a boarding school Frosh, nor an African American male adult with a pituitary issue that left him tiny, the

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  • boy had nothing special about him. His father had been a member but that alone was not enough to warrant acceptance. He was going to have to do something to make him shine before

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  • the illuminated ones would grant him entry into the brotherhood of the eternally damned, and he knew that he wanted to be eternally damned, it was all he had ever wanted, to bathe

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  • in blood, lather with sorrow, and shave with the shards of broken souls. Eternal damnation was the only thing he wanted, but first he had to prove himself by delivering the

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  • undead infant crowning from the depths of Hell before his eyes. He plied the wretched demon out from the bloody folds and held it aloft in the pentagram. Lucifer! Lucifer! His horr

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  • or at his own existance grew with every blood drenched second. Surely I had only one course of action. I lifted my knife a moment to late as he lept into the world laughing!

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