Hi, I'm fat and addicted to oxycotin. Strange because most drug people are thin. Not me, no amount of self-abuse stops my addiction. Actually, I'm getting hungry just thinking about grinding up that delicious pill and sprinkling it onto some bacon pancakes with extra butter. Oxycontin added a little acidity, a lot of mellow and only a pinch of murder Breakfast of champions, I tell you what. So he mounted the threshold to his flat, hiked up his pajama pants, and stepped out into a snowy morning. The opiate cocktail pulsed warm in his veins, & already the snow between his toes sent up a vapor. His pajama pants felt electric against his thighs as a full-bellied hallelujah took root in his nuts & wormed up his spine as he belted out a tune that would rival Aretha Franklin's finest. Pope Benedict loved singing in the shower, thinking about Jake Gyllenhaal's hairy chest as he soaped up his nether regions. But then, he remembered that he was the Pope and chaste and-- ha! Who was he kidding? With those gorgeous, shirtless, Russian male gymnasts, the Holy See drooled more than his octogenarian punum normally allowed. Just then the college of cardinals (okay really pink flamingos with a series of attached shrimp platters) pranced into the parking lot, swinging their beads and chanting their chants like so much rottenness floating back up the drain pipe. Someone from a 2nd floor balcony asked one of the chanters to drop trou for a strand of Mardi Gras beads. Most walked away, but one smiled and spread his feathers to reveal a grotesque, mangled placenta, hanging awkwardly from his stomach. His mother once heard a radio show touting the benefits of "placental continuity." The crowd panicked, terrified.

 

Comments

1 Euphorium's photo

A veritable cornucopia of horrors.

2 kyerinn's photo

I should not have read this while eating… O.o

3 RhettOracle's photo

Props to Davood for the allusions to Aretha, benedict, and Jake!

4 NixonBlack's photo

Quiet day on FoldingStory.

5 kyerinn's photo

Do you miss us, NixonBlack? :D

6 NixonBlack's photo

Yeah!  Of course I do :)  You’re my link to daily creativity!

7 kyerinn's photo

Honestly, I feel much the same. :) It keeps us sharp!

8 NixonBlack's photo

I’m down to three left unfolded and I’m saving them for tonight.  :)

9 kyerinn's photo

And THAT’S how you keep the high score! ;)

10 NixonBlack's photo

Hahaha,  well I’d like to hope that there’s some quality there too.  Most of my folds are still uncompleted ;)

11 RhettOracle's photo

NixonBlack, I don’t know whether to congratulate you or console you for finishing that daunting task.  :)

12 NixonBlack's photo

Really?  I thought everyone was doing that.

13 RhettOracle's photo

Most of my faves are on this fold, so just wanted to inform that I have switched monikers from “dwe” to “RhettOracle”. I like that name a lot more and I shamelessly stole it from a blog I reviewed yesterday.  I thought it fit this game famously.

14 NixonBlack's photo

Did you create an all new user, or just change your username?  I changed mine a while back, but it took a day or so to propagate out to all of my old posts.

15 kyerinn's photo

I noticed the change and scanned through my friends to deduce who this was! Now, you just need a picture. ;)

16 Davodd's photo

I’m not above name dropping for a chuckle..

17 RhettOracle's photo

Sorry, NB, didn’t see your question until now.  No, just the username, not a new profile.  I think I like the new features thus far, but have not spent a lot of time yet to truly get the hang of them.

18 RhettOracle's photo

And Kyerinn, yes, I do need a pic of some sort.  Although there is something to mysteriousness.

19 Davodd's photo

I miss the ability to be able to check up on the status of stories you started yourself.

20 kyerinn's photo

It’s true, Rhett. You ARE very mysterious.

Davodd, maybe you can suggest that to the site.

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