I'm on a new diet. Yellows and oranges. Carrots, cheeses, crackers, oranges, bananas, squash, chicken, Cheetos, corn tortillas, Cheez-its. Pretty balanced actually. So far I've managed to stick to the upper half of the food rainbow. Cantaloupe, salmon, golden delicious & yellowtail. In a weak moment an occasional strawberry or broccoli. My foodclown coach was particularly partial to passing out plates of pineapple chunks, bananas foster, lemon chiffon cake, and crème brûlée. Yellowish food is your friend, said my foodclown coach. "But beware brown food: sausages & shepherds pie. Abhor purple fruit and shun orange vegetables. All contravention will be punished." The foodclown coach was getting heavy now & we were soused on cheap Sangria and Mexican dirt weed. Usually around this time I get introspective and sad but the foodclown coach was trying to score a free burger off the roulette table the company set up in the Sewage Plant parking lot on the Ammunition Plant side near the glowing orange river but 500 feet from the nearest "family" area. To comply. Colonel Crumpet had to meet Earl Grey for tea every day at 3pm to establish trade ties. Then, the tea room could open and serve 2,553,584 cups of tea a year. It was profitable only if the bathroom attendants shared their tips, which were quite generous given all the tea that the Colonel and Mr. Grey had consumed at their meetings. But the attendants did not wish to do this. Furious, the two gentlemen on a pee strike, refusing to urinate until the bathroom attendants gave in. "This sucks" said the Colonel. "Yeah," Mr. Grey replied, "Shall we just drown them in our urine instead?" the Colonel asked. "Sure." replied Mr. Grey and together they unzipped and drenched the bathroom attendants to death.

 

Comments

You must be logged in to comment

You can Log in now or Sign up for a new account