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I feel guilty because I have a conscience,

  • I feel guilty because I have a conscience, but my conscience also says I did the right thing.

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  • Every time I think about what I did I feel like I'm moving through solid air. When I look at the problem, I'm looking through solid air. I did the right thing but I'm guilty too.

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  • I invented the soquid. Now I was sensing potential solids everywhere. "Solid, huh? That would be nice," my wife barbed. I cut the tense air with a knife and spread it on my toast.

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  • Tense air, it turned out, was a disappointment on rye. As my wife vacuumed the sink, I pondered the industrial applications of "soquids". Mobile devices? Probably not. Construction

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  • Of the 75 story hidden city under our sink had begun. Worker ants had infiltrated the staff of the builders, allowing inferior quality materials to be used, saving millions of

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  • microdollops but undermining the under the sink communities's foundations. For their safety, we had to relocate the whole city to the dumpster out behind the crime scene.

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  • This worked out fine for everyone until trash pickup day (last Thursday) when the entire city was taken to the municipal landfill. "What a dump!" the mayor exclaimed, as he pulled

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  • down his Jockeys to reveal his JZ69 Pocket Rocket/combination fishing rod, ring-toss hoop, & riot baton, exclaiming, “Everything I own came from this municipal landfill. As Mayor,

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  • I have prime access to Draper, WI's secret cache of illegal Montreal fireworks!" With this, Mayor Harold could conquer Sawyer County and that snooty mayor of Ojibwa.

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  • Victory was all but assured until Ojibwa's mutant weevils appeared on the horizon marching in rank and file steadily forward. The massacre was quick and severe, no survivors.

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