40 years underground with only IV feeding

40 years underground with only IV feeding had made any taste seem special. In fact he was pretty sure the only reason he gotten any dates was for his man-made "protein shakes".

was that Twilight was making the ladies go crazy for the pale bloodsucking cosplayers he so resembled. His attempts with furries hadn't gone so well because his bat head was too

corkscrewed at the end. It wasn't enough that women had turned men into metrosexuals. The women had taken "creatures of the night" and turned them into metrosexuals too.

Oh sure, the publisher of Details was thrilled at the growing circulation numbers. And Spike had turned to 24 hours of manscaping programming per day. Chest hair topiary was the #1

show second only to the how-to guide to a freshly shorn scrotum that featured blondes in sports bras and daisy duke demonstrating with "members" drawn from the studio audience. So,

I left. I didn't realize I had volunteered for a telemarketing show. QVC was not going to shave my balls on national television. I only allow certain people to do that. People like

Brooklyn Decker and Jessica Biel. Pretty much any super-duper attractive lady would do. Natalie Portman even did it once and she wasn't half-bad. I had to get out of the studio so

ber, but the techies kept pouring shots. Being an alcoholic studio musician, my licks were killer, but

I was the only one who thought so. To everyone else's ears, I sounded like a five-year-old trying to play "London Bridge is Falling Down" on a broken banjo. But, to my drunken ears

It was Beethoven's 5th symphony, and thanks to the lsd I took, the Queen and Elvis were in the audience. My friends put the video on Youtube, never had a girlfriend after that.