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That's when the guy in the seat next to me

  • That's when the guy in the seat next to me let out a big, smelly fart! I was horrified, I was mortified I was

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  • in the mood for love. Something about a man's hairy, smelly coat tails made me swerve in that direction. I didn't know how long I'd be in love, but it would be at least thirteen

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  • seconds or so. I prided myself on my ability to make quick decisions. So I headed toward the love of my life and

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  • and a beer. Why choose when I can have both. Thank god I was marrying an alcoholic. She wouldn't look down her nose at me when I demolished a case of Bud all by myself. Now

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  • all I had to worry about was whose turn it was to be sober enough to drive the forty miles into town past three police stations and a fire department. Ah but her smile drove me

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  • to madness. Ever since the run-in with the traveling dentifrice salesmen, I had been curiously attracted to whitened smiles. So much so that when I had bartered my timeshare in

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  • Nepal, I traded it for a lifelong supply of Crest Whitestrips. The directions stated "use daily," but I was using them hourly. My addiction became so bad that my family

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  • had been planning an intervention, but so far I had successfully avoided their efforts. Folding another strip over my teeth, I watched from the window as my brother battled

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  • The Ray sof blinding light emanating from my mouth. White strips, white strips, must have more white strips. Must. Get. Teeth. Whiter.

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  • Then after I ingested all of the whitening strips I was as sick as horse. I tried to get the minty flavor out, but it was hopeless I am dying a slow painful whitening induced death

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