The evil shopping cart sat out in the Target parking lot. Nothing about it would suggest that it had been made in hell. But here it was. Anyone who put items in it would find his or her soul in mortal peril. There was nothing special about this Target, but the parking lot had been built over the secret and deliberately forgotten burial site of God-King Arafakhanon. Legend had it that, when His Majesty had his tomb built, he had ordered all of the masons to be sealed within, so that they could no longer be free. But the Free Masons escaped the entombment with the King and founded a Grand Lodge in the Tomb. They met there every first Tuesday of the Month. The God-King Arafakhanons embalmed remains where placed in an old cigar box under the lecturn. The ancient Masons discussed zonings of new pyramids and the lack of labor after that Moses thing. Beer was next on the agenda. "We need lots and lots of beer!" The Masons cheered. "Can't build pyramids without plenty of beer breaks." So they called Samuel Smith Brewery and ordered Samuel to be chained to a rock in the desert with all the necessary ingredients to make unlimited quantities of nut brown ale and oatmeal stout. The workers were elated but the pyr omaniacs griped about having to make fire without combustibles, and explosions were completely out of the question. Pharaoh consulted his advisers and broached his concern about all those fucking cats. "I mean really...cats?" Pharaoh knew there was a way to make fire without combustibles, but the cats knew more, and they purred in self love. Secretly, their hairball stash contained enough glue for 12 pyramids. Pharoah, however, set beer-doused mouse traps and made 12 vats of feline stew.

 

Comments

1 sundancer's photo

This is so funny! Great contributions, everyone!

You must be logged in to comment

You can Log in now or Sign up for a new account