Somehow, the Universal Monsters had made it onto the ballot, and the day after Election Day, the world was shocked to find that America had voted the Creature from the Black Lagoon as the winner of American Idol. When the Creature form the Black Lagoon came to accept its reward, it walked off with Mariah Carey . Mariah Carey fought the Creature from the Black Lagoon tooth and nail. Then she sang a piercing top F# and blood spurted from its hairy lugoles. She bit its nose off and spat it onto the muddy ground, where it rolled back into the Black Lagoon. Suddenly, the Black Lagoon started to bubble and boil. Mariah Carey stood stunned watching the murky waters swirl And sang her latest hit, "Don't Get Mad, Get Even". The Black Lagoon extended a goopy hand to grab Mariah Carey and she fell in, head first. Her fans wept as they heard the news. Mariah Carey had other concerns, though. She found herself in the realm of the enormous Lagoon Mermaid, who grasped the singer in her slimy fist. "Sing for me" cooed the mermaid, who would soon come to deeply regret this request. The aging pop star croaked out a few horribly out of tune notes before forgetting the rest of the words to one her own hits. She hadn't forgotten the words of the song that launched her, "Do you applaud fear?" but when she sings it now, with the way she's aged, it takes on a whole different meaning. The unintentional harshness of her vocal intonations belies a survivor's strength and provides solidarity to those of us who also have lived through Heck. I searched online for research pertaining to the recent up-swells in sharks being harvested for their organs, but honestly I really just wanted some nice midget porn.

 

Comments

1 Futique's photo

Oh, aren’t we fancy? “Nice” midget porn. That is a fable. Just like Androcles and the Jackel’s last breath.

You must be logged in to comment

You can Log in now or Sign up for a new account