The green fedora hat was well preserved and made the red wolf look dapper, according to the news reports. The public was unaware that the Green Fedora Hat Company controlled the media across the country. Often journalists would go missing and never to be heard of again. Threats were made to anyone who spoke out against green fedoras. It was handled in such a secretive way that most people didn't know. But we knew that the GFHC were evil and had to be stopped. We created an underground network of anti-fedora rebels. The GFHC were monitoring all channels of communication, so we had to devise a new way to pass on messages. The solution was piss. And vinegar and a little bit of intrauterine discharge to act as a locally sourced conduit as the stiffening agent between the hemispheres. We don't know how we'll get around on such a small budget, so we'll try our best using our own bodies as building supplies. Hair makes a fine rope, and fingernail clippings can be bunched together to make something resembling particle board, which we can use for walls. And if we clip off our pubic hair, that may be tough enough for roofing. But our house will be much too tiny for The hordes of women that would flock from lands afar just to breathe in the air in the House my junk hair built. Perhaps we could just leave out pans to catch the sulphuric rain? Just then the Big Bad Wolf huffed and puffed and blew my hair house away. Then he pounced and ate me in accordance with Wyoming statutes. I figured this was the end for me. Sigh. Then a woodsman entered, about to cut open the wolf to save me. “Hold it!” said the wolf. “You’re the woodsman from Red Riding Hood! Leave THIS story!” He left and I got digested.

 

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